deviant ART

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~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar:

Thomas Michalski  

  • Status: Member
  • Deviously Deviant
  • Male/Germany
  • Offline for 2h 49m 56s
  • Deviant since Apr 23, 2006, 5:46 AM
  • 56 Deviations
  • 136 Deviation Comments
  • 46 Deviant Comments
  • 1,744 Pageviews

Changes

Journal Entry: Fri May 2, 2008, 9:51 AM
Hey there, dear readers!

Let's talk about change. You all might know those phrases you find in literature and documentaries, those lines like "That event really changed my life" or "That week made me another person".
I've always thought those lines to be empty and nothing more then what I called them before: phrases.
But I've changed my mind ... and I've changed.

The last few weeks have been some sort of personal hell. I've felt and actually been betrayed by a person that I thought to be very close to me, I've nearly lost something that's very, very precious to me, I've certainly lost a lot of trust, faith and innocence as far as all things interpersonal are concerned. I've seen this whole construct I considered to be "my life" crumble and fall apart.
I've lost a lot, in general, and at some points I felt so emotionally exhausted that I wasn't sure if I could really take it any more. Well, as can be seen, I could, although only with some help from friends.

I've then taken a long, long look at those shards that were once my life and before putting each part to the place it came from, I asked myself if I really wanted it back. Like a close friend of mine put it: It's easy to reassemble your life if it's broken to pieces anyway." And so I did.
Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me, wether I'm still really me. Each time she'd see me, she told me, I'd seem to have changed radically lately. Which is, actually, not completely wrong.
Last time I met her, I had shaven of my beard which I had been growing for half a decade now and the day before yesterday when we met, she was among the first witnesses to account that I have done the same with my shoulder-length hair by now.

I've thought long and hard about each of those steps before and will do so too about some more to come, but each of them just feels right at the moment. I'm sure that some of those changes are grounded in the decision to leave at least something behind, to make a cut between now and that past in which I was so badly hurt.
But was it true what I told her, am I still really me?
The main reason that gives me a lot of certainty that I'm not doing it just for the sake of making the cut is that other things, that accompany for a longer time by now, also including this art gallery, are not endangered. No, it's the opposite: I finally dare to say "Yeah, I'm doing artwork, take a look at my portfolio, will ya?" - something I was always very shy about.

There's a lot of things that bothered me in the last months that I finally dare to face and overcome. And in many cases, the main question has to be: Why didn't I do that before?
Here's a piece of advice you might find handy: If something in your life askes to be changed, dare and change it. Do not wait for a catastrophy to come along and help you change it; in my case, it sort of does, but the ease with which most things can be adjusted is just augmenting the question why I lived with those things before.

Coming out of this emotional and practical cleansing actually helped me to find back to me and, in the meantime, show me some things clearly that I somehow wanted for a long time, but that I so far dismissed for one reason or the other.
For all the things I've lost, I've gained some things too. A perspective, a chance I never dreamed to get, some new insights about myself, more self-esteem, more self-confidence, a very clear understanding of what I want and something I might call personal growth.

I wonder if, let's say in a year, this point will still be showing. If you can, 366 days in the future, point at April 2007 and note a detectable change in the nature of my artwork. I can pinpoint some elements right here and now, but I won't. And if it's for no other reason then making it impossible for me, myself, to re-read this post in a year and remind myself.
Art should be self-explanatory; if it's not, it's empty. If the change is relevant, it'll still be there in a year. If it's not, it'll be a mood point anyway.
I know where I want to be in a year. I've actually a text at hand that kind of underlines those goals and that'll be printed in a few days, sealed with wax and stored somewhere where I'll know it to be in good hands.
And in a year, we'll see how well things turned out.

"Change is good", Master Splinter says in the pilot episode of the newest Turtles cartoon.
"May you live in interesting times" is a chinese curse.
If you'd asked me, eight weeks ago, wether I want change, I'd have denied it.
If you'd asked me a month ago, I'd have gone with the Chinese.
If you ask me now ... I feel like I've been given a chance. A big chance.

I'll do my best to grab it.

And produce artwork along the way.
Be prepared for some things you haven't ever seen from me before!


Your's truly,
a changed Thomas

  • Listening to: Letzte Instanz - various albums
  • Reading: Karen Duve - Keine Ahnung (*sighs*)
  • Watching: ...really nothing, truth be told...
  • Drinking: A cool bottle of Coke

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 25
  • Current Residence: Aachen
  • Favourite movie: The Village, The Big Lebowski, Secretary, Seven, Blade Runner (and Ridley Scott in general)
  • Favourite band or musician: Nine Inch Nails, Subway to Sally, Coppelius, Kettcar, Saltatio Mortis, among others
  • Favourite artist: Tobias Mannewitz, among others. But Tobi is just amazing :-)
  • Favourite poet or writer: Neil Gaiman, George R. R. Martin, Christian von Aster, all the classical SF writers and more
  • Operating System: OS X Leopard / OS X Tiger / OS X Panther
  • MP3 player of choice: iTunes
  • Favourite game: Baphomets Fluch (known as "Broken Sword" outside of Germany)
  • Favourite gaming platform: X-Box 360
  • Tools of the Trade: Mostly Photoshop, with a tiny hint of line art every two years or so...

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Apr 4, 2008, 5:27:21 AM
The shot caught my attention the very second my eye got a glimpse at it ... captivating might be a good word in all it's meanings.
Keep up the good work :)
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Apr 4, 2008, 5:23:14 AM
Well, my pleasure - it's a wonderful shot and a statement about the world we live in. The fav is well deserved :)
*ytrovarkahcimim:iconytrovarkahcimim: Mar 31, 2008, 6:02:38 PM
thank you for the favorite :)

--

life wasn't worth the balance or the crumpled paper it was written on.
~ThisIsAForgery:iconThisIsAForgery: Mar 31, 2008, 5:30:32 PM
Thank you so much for the fav!

--
I could be a famous singer, if I had someone else's voice.
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Mar 7, 2008, 4:17:15 PM
Oh, the pleasure is all mine. The hardest part was to decide which one of your pics would be the one to fav that day, but "Faith of the Heart" was an easy choice, it just manages to take you away to a completely different world :-)

I really, really like it :-)
*Iardacil:iconIardacil: Mar 7, 2008, 8:51:15 AM
I wanted to thank you so much for :+fav: for "Faith of the Heart" :heart:

I am so happy you liked it :rose:

--
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Feb 27, 2008, 8:44:47 AM
No reason to thank me, sir. Your images are just astonishing ... feel like I should fav them all ;-)
Keep up the good work - I'll be watching ^^
*MichelRajkovic:iconMichelRajkovic: Feb 27, 2008, 6:41:13 AM
Many thanks for the watch ;-)

--
Michel [link]
[My prints]
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Feb 13, 2008, 10:38:41 AM
Ah, it was well deserved! Please keep up the good work :-)
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Feb 13, 2008, 10:37:21 AM
Well, it was my pleasure. A picture as amazing as this needs to be faved :-)
*koda12:iconkoda12: Jan 19, 2008, 1:41:20 PM
Thanks a lot for the fav on [link]

:heart:
~ForgiveVal:iconForgiveVal: Apr 5, 2007, 6:15:40 PM
;P

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Haha. Freaking gallery boiii. :P
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Apr 5, 2007, 5:52:42 PM
Well, it's well deserved. Really a wonderful picture!
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Apr 5, 2007, 5:52:19 PM
No problem, my pleasure. You've got some really fascinating pieces online, so keep up the good work :-)
~ForgiveVal:iconForgiveVal: Apr 5, 2007, 8:26:00 AM
:D Thank you for the :+fav: on Ocean Eyes

:hug:

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Haha. Freaking gallery boiii. :P
=karil:iconkaril: Apr 2, 2007, 1:46:43 AM
:thanks: so much for the favīs !!!

********* :nod: **********

*** nature is everything ***
=LoganX78:iconLoganX78: Mar 29, 2007, 3:53:17 AM
:hug:

--
... La vita è fatta di priorità...
[my gallery] [my prints] [my journals]
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Mar 28, 2007, 5:33:28 PM
My pleasure. The picture is really beautiful, like quite a couple of the things you have on your gallery.
So keep up the good work!
=LoganX78:iconLoganX78: Mar 28, 2007, 1:19:02 PM Mood: Joy
Tnx 4 :+fav: on Spent :)

--
... La vita è fatta di priorità...
[my gallery] [my prints] [my journals]
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Feb 17, 2007, 6:53:08 PM
Well, no problem at all. Kindness is something that is too rare anyway and your artwork is really quite amazing, the fave is well deserved.
~dae1ights:icondae1ights: Feb 10, 2007, 8:33:08 PM
thank you for the kind comment and the fave :hug:
~SeelederSchar:iconSeelederSchar: Sep 19, 2006, 7:06:53 PM
Thanks a lot :-)
The fav was well deserved, the mood of "A storm is coming" is just impressive...
*Unrealize:iconUnrealize: Sep 14, 2006, 7:49:59 AM
Thanks a lot for the :+fav:
Nice gallery you have here..

--
*Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc*
-We shall gladly feast upon those who would subdue us-